Teddy Bear Pla-Whaaa?

6 10 2009


Placenta Teddy

Placenta Teddy


I’m all about sustainable toys.  But this is a teddy bear made out of a placenta.

Inhabitots calls this salt-cured placenta creation “a crafty alternative for those who don’t necessarily want to eat their baby’s placenta, but want to pay their respects to the life sustaining organ.”  THANK GOD, because the last time I saw someone munching on placenta… wait. No. Nobody does that.

I didn’t realize there was such a big market for organ toys.  What’s next, testicle legos? I wonder if I can have my intestines made into a jump-rope.  Don’t even think about stealing that idea, I’ll slap you with a lawsuit so fast…

No, but seriously. I am going to draft a letter to the National Association of Creepy Scientists, and it will go like this:


Dear Whichever Creepy Scientist Wasted the Past 2 Years of His Life Inventing the Placenta Teddy,

Clearly you didn’t get the memo that we are in the midst of a SWINE FLU epidemic.  Please get your weird, cannibalistic ass back into the lab and do something useful.


The Entire Population 

ps. What do you think about a tricycle made entirely out of pelvic bones? Could be cool…






3 responses

6 10 2009

It might not surprise you, but plenty of people I know have eaten their placentas after giving birth. the midwife who delivered me ate hers up with friend onions (not fava beans) and a couple of our hippie friends actually invited friends over to eat theirs. being an extreme relativist, I have no problem with this even though I probably wouldnt partake-ashes to ashes and all that. I like the idea of recycling this fascinating body part, clearly not for the faint of heart.

in one of the greatest books ever written, the spirit catches you and you fall down, plenty of time is devoted to describing the hmong’s reverence towards the placenta, which is buried in the center of their traditional round houses they live in, next to the center beam. the word for it translates into ‘jacket’-it is the soul’s first jacket coming into the world, and when the body dies, the soul flies home to where the placenta is buried to wear the jacket into the afterlife. if the placenta is not buried or disturbed after its buried, the soul wanders and never finds peace.

i am 100% getting a placenta teddybear, but I also might think about making a water-bottle out of it, since it resembles those skin bags that natives made. I could also have it fashioned into a fedora or possibly a centerpiece that holds pretty fruit, such as green apples or lemons.

6 10 2009
Geof Boyle

Dangit, Bros beat me to the anthropology and/or midwifery spiel. I guess I’ll just say that is pretty badass if you can eat a placenta. How many U.S. Marines have eaten placenta? A few years ago I decided I was being to much of a puss when it came to being finicky about foods or food parts and decided to eat anything that could remotely be considered food if I had any thought of rejecting it. It went like this:
1)mmm banana, eww there is a brown spot, oh shit, now i have to eat it. wow, this is extra sweet. ok, i see why my dad eats brown bananas.
2) ew, i think i won’t eat this chunk of fat/gristle on this chicken. oh my god, i have to chew this fat/gristle now.
3) ah, this tomato is wrinkly oh shit, now i have to eat this wrinkly-ass tomato out of the trash. dammit, why did i not remember my stupid rule before i threw this into the trash can.
Anyway, I’m pretty sure I am never going to eat a placenta.

28 07 2010

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