Some people are amazingly talented at surviving break-ups. They can be in a serious relationship one day, broken up the next, and after a week they’re already over it. These people (“mutants,” I call them) subscribe to the old adage, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” They cry for a day or two, then immediately toss out all pictures of the ex, de-friend him on Facebook, delete his phone number, complain to their friends about what an asshole he was and then hit the local bar to meet the next flame.
I’m not one of these people. I’m one of the other kind– the kind that masochistically stares at old pictures for months after the break-up. The kind that dramatically flails herself against brick walls and manages to lose 20 lbs. in a month because she can’t even wash down a comforting bite of Spaghetti-O’s. The kind that calls her mother crying a hundred times a day from the bushes outside of her office, asking pathetic rhetorical questions like Will anyone ever love me?!
My methods of dealing with break-ups almost ensure that I will not move on. I pick and pick at the wound with an arsenal of sad songs, old love movies and e-mails from early in the relationship. A random guy could say “Hello” to me at a bar, and I respond, “I’m not ready for this, my ex-boyfriend is in the hospital!” and then, in the wake of his confusion, dart out of the bar like a spooked squirrel.
I know I can’t be the only one who takes break-ups really badly. As a dedication to anyone who has ever made a complete ass of him or herself in the wake of a break-up, I am going to rank my 10 favorite break-up songs of all time :
1. Jackie Wilson- “Lonely Teardrops”
2. Joni Mitchell- “River”
3. Rolling Stones- “Ruby Tuesday”
4. Nancy Sinatra- “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'”
5. Bob Dylan- “One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)”
6. Patsy Cline- “Crazy”
7. The Clash- “Train in Vain”
8. Lauryn Hill- “Ex-Factor”
9. Alanis Morissette- “You Oughta Know”
10. Sam Cooke- “Bring It on Home to Me”
Honorable mention: Lil Troy, “Still a Bitch in My Book” (won’t include the video due to profanity, but it’s a can’t miss.)
What are some of your favorites?