Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, mainly because of the fried turkey (yes fried), sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. I’m less impressed by the part when you go around the circle and say what you’re thankful for, because everyone always says something obvious and generic, like “family” or “health.” Family and health are of utmost importance, of course, but being thankful for those two things is kind of a given, right?
I’d like to make a rule. Only the first two people in the circle can say “family” and “health,” and then everyone else has to think outside the box.
Here are ten things I’m thankful for this year, besides family and health:
1. My abnormally long toes, which kind of function as fingers on my feet. Surprisingly useful.
2. Bobby-pins. Nothing’s more annoying during an athletic activity than hair falling in your face. I feel super lucky to have a stash of bobby-pins to keep those flyaways in check.
3. Philip Seymour Hoffman.
5. My landlord, who won’t fix the leak in our roof or let me have a dog. Whoa, that was passive aggressive.
6. This pink and blue plaid flannel shirt, without which I would have had nothing to wear every day for the past two weeks.
7. Oprah. She has single-handedly kept the book publishing industry afloat for the past 20 years. Now she’s dropping it like a bad habit, but I guess I’m still thankful. And bitter. Backstabbing bitch.
8. Facebook. I know, seems like a lame answer, but without Facebook I would have lost touch with at least half of you, so, cheers to me being able to see how annoying your job is, what your babies look like and who dumped you last week without actually having to ask. ps. You might want to rethink that new profile pic, unless you don’t mind looking constipated.
9. Scrabble. I always win, which is fun for everyone.
10. Native Americans, for allowing us to continue to propagate that cute and completely fictitious story about the Pilgrims getting along with the Indians for a day. Slash massacring them and spreading disease.
That about does it for me. What are you thankful for this year?