What is up with people from Texas?

10 12 2009

Is it just me, or are people from Texas cartoonishly obnoxious?

They decorate their houses with Texas flags.  They sing about Texas.  They nickname themselves “Tex.”  They tattoo lone-stars on their heads.  They host “Texas-style” happy hours, which means nothing more than that people will primarily drink beer.  They play up their accents, wear cowboy boots to the grocery store and insist on talking about Texas nonstop, just in case anyone forgot where they were from.  Their whole identity feels like one big gimmick.

I think it’s a chicken or the egg situation– does everyone hate on Texas because Texans are obnoxious, or are Texans obnoxious because everyone hates on Texas?

I like Austin– I’ll give Texas that.  Decent music.  Some greenery.  But the rest of Texas is desert.  It’s the land of oil money and George Bush.  Can it really be such a dynamite place that people feel the need to stamp it on their foreheads and shout it from the rooftops?

There were these two guys in my college dorm, let’s call them Jack and Daniel.  They were roommates, both from Texas. Each of them had the same massive Texas flag covering the wall next to his bed, so that the whole tiny dorm room was basically wrapped like a present in Texas flags.  Did I mention they were from Texas?

Every time I walked out of their room I would giggle to myself over the image of them waiting until everyone went to sleep and then dancing around the room in assless chaps to “God Bless Texas.”

I mean, I’m from Louisiana.  It’s right next to Texas, and in many ways, it’s a lot cooler.  We have jazz music, cajun food, an undefeated pro football team (ouch!) and New Orleans.  But you don’t see me walking around with a crawfish tattooed on my left butt cheek and a magnolia on my right.

I don’t exaggerate my accent, I’ve never hosted a “Louisiana happy hour” in my life, and I don’t even know what my state flag looks like.  I don’t gloop together with other Louisianians solely because we were born within 100 miles of each other.

Texas people gloop.  They find other Texans and they create little Texas anthills.

According to a recent poll, 1 in 5 Texas voters would like to officially secede from the United States, because apparently the rest of us are watering down their Texas-ness.  I would like to officially endorse that plan.  Secede your little hearts out, Texas, and take the Cowboys with you.  We’ll fortify the border and only let people in after thoroughly inspecting their bodies for lone-star tattoos.

Well, sounds like a plan to me.



25 responses

11 12 2009

This is all true. My in-laws all live in Texas and talk about other states as if they are part of the third world. L, my wife, is repulsed by their attitude and this part of why we live in NOVA, which is strangely kind of like the Austin of Ole Virginny.
Texas’ peculiar brand of nationalistic fervor may have to do with the period of a couple years when there were actually their own Republic, mixed in with a sloppy helping of nostalgia from the days of the War of Northern Aggression, and set on simmer for 144 years. Get over it folks. Its hot as balls, brown and dusty almost everywhere. It takes two hours to drive anywhere because everything is so goddamn far away. And what’s up with all the dry counties?

27 06 2010
screw it

man yall are idiots. unlike every other state, we here in Texas are proud of our state, were big enough to be our own country and small enough to not be overrun by idiots like the one in the white house. we even have our own military.. so next time yall wana talk shit bout us, think bout how much your state can do on its own. it will NEVER compare to Texas

11 12 2009

Am i the only one that finds ANY reference to assless chaps laugh out loud hilarious?

11 12 2009

To be fair, I think other people gave Tex that nickname. You can’t make your own nickname.

11 12 2009

womanofNL– do you think it’s a coincidence that I know 3 people nicknamed “tex,” but I’ve never met anyone nicknamed “looziana” or “cali” or “new hamp”?

I think not.

11 12 2009

I think I would be very fond of someone nicknamed New Hamp. Plus, don’t forget about her – http://www.mennadata.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/janice-muppet-totally-looks-like-new-york.jpg

11 12 2009

there is something very familiar about the soul of the texan. I like to think of them as the poor man’s Alaskan. I find these people as obnoxious as the next, but I completely understand the statecentrism. I don’t think it’s warranted, because comparatively, alaska kicks way more ass than stupid tacky texas. and no one in AK would be dumb enough to tattoo the state on their head. usually when people act like exaggerated idiots, they are overcompensating for something they are insecure about, which I think might be true in Texas’ case.

11 12 2009

well it was once it’s own country. i’d rather see jersey remove itself from “the union.” i’ve definitley seen more jersey state outline tats than texas – but then again i’ve only spent 4 days in texas in my life.

13 12 2009

Well having lived on top of the state and now to the left of it (mapwise), I can’t say much other than it takes up a lot of space and for what? Fake dude ranches and big trucks? Truth be told, I like Texas as a landscape. In particular the western parts bordering NM and hell, the sparseness of the panhandle and rolling hill country. In fact Texas would be better if there weren’t any Texans screwing the place up.

There was saying in Colorado in the 70s and 80s when all the Texans were f-in’ up my home state with their bad skiing and equally awful apres ski fashion and oil money. “If God wanted Texans to ski, he would have made bullshit white.”

17 12 2009

I am a Texan and I am proud of it. Just so you know, talking about Texas is usually not my main topic of conversation; but I do admit when it does come up I let it be known how great Texas is. What makes Texas so great? Texans make Texas great. We take pride in our state, we’re friendly people, and we stick up for each other. I don’t think you can really appreciate Texas until you’ve lived here.

Of course, some people are obnoxious, but can you honestly say that there are no other obnoxious people from other states, probably not. So maybe we don’t ski or snowboard well, but we put money in your states pocket, so why complain?

As far as accents go, I don’t have an accent and not all people from Texas do. Not everyone owns a pair of cowboy boots. I don’t have a big truck or a ranch. I do have some friends who do have ranches and they are some of the nicest people I have ever met.

My point is, stop hating…

31 03 2010

first of all fuck you.u just dont know how throwed it is down here.we put r state/flag everywhere cuz we can fuckn do that,something were proud n aint no body gunna stop us honestly think to urself is the any stat better then TEXAS no there not.EVERY THINGS BIGGER IN TEXAS.holdin it down

31 03 2010

go ahead and bookmark this blog. you make me feel smart.

12 04 2010

I lived in Texas a looong time ago when I was first married and we were living from town to town as the company moved my husband. Met only very nice, good people. I have a grandaughter and great grandaughter living in Houston. Her inlaws are fabulous wonderful people. I have never seen a texas flag in their houses. However – to the voters who want to secede from the union. Think how that would help the rest of us. All of Texas would be off social security, medicare, medicaid, and when they are hit by a hurricane and Galveston is wiped out, Houston is flooded etc. they can’t cry help to FEMA. Lots of money saved for the rest of us. Of course they wont be paying taxes either so thats our loss but I think we will end up on the plus side. No help from the government for health care for the thousands of Mexican immigrants living there. Enough said – I hope Texas does not secede for their sake. Oh I forgot – they will be on their own for schools and libraries – no public schools paid for by the government.

12 05 2010

It’s funny how you can sit there and bash Texans and how obnoxious we are. You have now stereotyped ALL Texans to be a cowboy boot wearing, accent talking, over zealous kind. I’m not that way and I’m proud to be a Texan of Hispanic decent. You however have commented that you are from Louisiana and don’t do all of this stuff. How quickly you forget Who helped out the most when our neighbors (you guys) were hit by hurricane Katrina. Who rushed to the aid of the students who were not attending schools because of this tragedy? We did. We vacated schools so as to take in students, we vacated shelters so as to provide for our neighbors homeless now. Why you would bash us instead of realizing that it takes special people to go through all of that I don’t know. As for the 1 in 5 who would like to secede, 4 in 5 which is a majority in case you didn’t know, are just proud Texans who take pride in their culture, history and people. So remember the next time that you want to bash us who was there to lend a helping hand without expecting anything in return!

12 05 2010

WTF? I wrote this, like, months ago, and it was a joke. Where are all you random people coming from?

9 11 2010

Hell yeah!

25 05 2010

fuck all of yall…….. we aint all them cowboy sterotype yall think we are texas is the best state there is luisiana is cool but no were near texas fuck jersey fuck new york fuck everithing exept texas TEXAS THUG

25 05 2010

well, before, I was willing to bet that there were some ok Texans, but after all you morons came to this blog with your inability to spell or think, it is official. Everyone from Texas is RETARDED.

15 06 2010

We were a nation (and will be again). If you love freedom and value individual sovereignty and self reliance, you are welcome to join us in this beautiful land. If not, stay out of our Republic. You can demean us if you like. I really don’t give a fu*k. Just do it from a distance. R.o.T forever

9 11 2010

I’ll put some south in your mouth.
I love Texas.

9 01 2011
Kolja [I'm Russian, by the way]

I’m currently writing a novel, in which a retarded Texan blows up an English train by mistake. I’ve found plenty of useful material here.

10 12 2013
Chillee B

Hey folks, I’m from Texas originally (born and lived there for my first 21 years) but now live in Florida.(been here for 27 years). There are loud mouths from all over this country. Trust me, to be this far south, the majority of the inhabitants are from the North and they are just as obnoxious as everyone else.

I also remember going back to visit relatives in Texas a few years after moving to Florida. The first night I was back, a lady looked right at me and paid me a compliment regarding the color of my eyes. I, having just arrived from Florida (land of the snowbirds), actually turned around to see who she was speaking to, then realized it was me. I was shocked. I had not been spoken to in that manner for 3 years, since I moved from Texas.

At that point, it solidified my feelings about people from Texas. I believe most people are generally good no matter where you come from, but, trust me, she epitomized “southern hospitality”.

There is a saying, “If I have to explain it to you, you just wouldn’t understand.” What I am trying to say is, “If you haven’t experienced it first hand, and for the most part, lived it. It would be hard for most people to get a good handle on it.”

That’s just my 2 cents.

21 12 2014

You can see that education isnt that big in texas judging by the texans responding to this whose posts are FULL of grammar errors and mispellings. I used to live in texas, they really believe that texas is something much better than it really is. I have lived in multiple states in my lifetime and texas is really an awful state to live in to be completely honest. The people there are nice, but so uneducated and backwards. The nonsense in which they believe in down there is alarming at best. If they ever spent a few years in any state outside of the south, they would see just how much texas is a dreadful place to live. But let them have their silly texas pride, as it will keep them knuckleheads infecting the rest of the country with their nonsense. Texans get INSANELY BUTTHURT if you mention ANY LEGITAMENT FLAW of texas no matter how much DATA exists to prove how much texas sucks.

21 12 2014

I have owned pets who were MUCH more inteligent than your average texan. I have dead serious.

21 12 2014

I have owned pets who were MUCH more inteligent than your average texan. I AM dead serious.

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