Is it just me, or are people from Texas cartoonishly obnoxious?
They decorate their houses with Texas flags. They sing about Texas. They nickname themselves “Tex.” They tattoo lone-stars on their heads. They host “Texas-style” happy hours, which means nothing more than that people will primarily drink beer. They play up their accents, wear cowboy boots to the grocery store and insist on talking about Texas nonstop, just in case anyone forgot where they were from. Their whole identity feels like one big gimmick.
I think it’s a chicken or the egg situation– does everyone hate on Texas because Texans are obnoxious, or are Texans obnoxious because everyone hates on Texas?
I like Austin– I’ll give Texas that. Decent music. Some greenery. But the rest of Texas is desert. It’s the land of oil money and George Bush. Can it really be such a dynamite place that people feel the need to stamp it on their foreheads and shout it from the rooftops?
There were these two guys in my college dorm, let’s call them Jack and Daniel. They were roommates, both from Texas. Each of them had the same massive Texas flag covering the wall next to his bed, so that the whole tiny dorm room was basically wrapped like a present in Texas flags. Did I mention they were from Texas?
Every time I walked out of their room I would giggle to myself over the image of them waiting until everyone went to sleep and then dancing around the room in assless chaps to “God Bless Texas.”
I mean, I’m from Louisiana. It’s right next to Texas, and in many ways, it’s a lot cooler. We have jazz music, cajun food, an undefeated pro football team (ouch!) and New Orleans. But you don’t see me walking around with a crawfish tattooed on my left butt cheek and a magnolia on my right.
I don’t exaggerate my accent, I’ve never hosted a “Louisiana happy hour” in my life, and I don’t even know what my state flag looks like. I don’t gloop together with other Louisianians solely because we were born within 100 miles of each other.
Texas people gloop. They find other Texans and they create little Texas anthills.
According to a recent poll, 1 in 5 Texas voters would like to officially secede from the United States, because apparently the rest of us are watering down their Texas-ness. I would like to officially endorse that plan. Secede your little hearts out, Texas, and take the Cowboys with you. We’ll fortify the border and only let people in after thoroughly inspecting their bodies for lone-star tattoos.
Well, sounds like a plan to me.