Life Snobs

15 01 2010

Aw, a Wedding in "Tent Town."

Listen– I like camping as much as the next person.  I drink soy lattes, I’ve gone through a few non-meat-eating phases, and I own several pairs of skinny jeans.  I listen to Hercules and Love Affair, bring my own bags to the grocery store and turn the lights off when I leave a room. I’m not without my “hip” traits, and I’ll admit it, many of these habits (except for the soy lattes, which I only drink because they’re delicious) have been influenced by the major counter-culture trends of the past few years.

But some people, let’s call them “Life Snobs,” just take themselves way, way too seriously. These people generally congregate in urban, West Coast areas like San Fran, Portland, Denver and Seattle, and they will go out of their way to make it clear to you that their life is better than yours.

Have you ever had a West Coaster try to convince you to move out there?  I bet you have.  The pitch is always the same:

“Dude, you really don’t strike me as an East Coast person– everyone’s so uptight out there.  You should consider moving out to (insert West Coast city).  People really take advantage of the daytime here.  The weather is better, the people are cooler, and there is just generally less judgment all around.  Last weekend I did a decathlon, hauled 23 turkeys to the local soup kitchen, whipped up a tofu casserole for my partner using the basil leaves that I plucked from the spice garden on my windowsill and camped under the stars.  Did I mention that the sun now shines out of my ass? It does– it shines right out of my ass.  You can have all that and more if you will just shove all of your things in to a Northface backpack– one backpack, that’s all you’ll need!– and relocate.”

Then I say something like,”But what about my job, my house, my friends and my boyfriend?”

And they respond with something like, “These things are all transient. What’s really important is that we get more sunny days here in a month than you get in a year.  The weather breeds happiness– you can’t not be happy here.”

But… I’m… kind of happy here… Does that matter?

No, it doesn’t matter to a Life Snob.  Unless you shop solely at consignment shops, grow your own produce, work at a non-profit, occasionally moonlight as a yoga instructor and spend your weekends hiking and camping, then you’re really missing out on the beauty of life, the oneness of humanity.

Do you own a TV?  You’re out of the cool club.

Have you ever strapped a kayak to the top of your Subaru? No? Out of the cool club.

Don’t get me wrong– I think all these things are great.  Green living, hiking, exercise, healthiness, charity, all wonderful things.  But you have to have a sense of humor about yourself.  You have to accept people who live differently than you do and have different values and priorities, or you’re just as elitist and intolerant as the people you criticize.

There is nothing more annoying and hypocritical than an elitist, evangelical hippie.  You want to have a bring-your-own-toilet-paper wedding on the top of a mountain?  Fine, but don’t expect everyone to think it’s as cool as you do, because in fact, it’s kind of obnoxious.  That’s right– I said it.  A mountain wedding can be beautiful, but when you throw a party for friends and family, you at least provide them with toilet paper.  Period.  If you want to be cool and alternative every other day of the year, that’s your prerogative.

My point is, live how you want to live, but for the LOVE, please stop looking down your nose at people who live otherwise. No one is jealous of you and your top-of-the-line kayak.  What, you’re going spelunking in No-Cal this weekend? Awesome, I’m going to sit down at the local diner with a newspaper and have a cheeseburger.  Lookin forward to your Facebook pics, tho!




12 responses

15 01 2010

Good stuff. I’ll be a snob sometimes but I’m not delusional about it. Like I’ll trash the 9-5, but I understand that some people want to make a lot of money. As long as you take your own path and are happy about it.

17 01 2010

Rooshv….. as long as you take your own path and are happy about it and you don’t annoy everyone else by trying to take them with you.

15 01 2010

You’re saying what we’re all thinking

15 01 2010

Ok. First I take offense to lumping my home city of Denver in with San Fran, Seattle and Portland. Sure those “other” West-coast cities have a coolness factor to them but they also take way to much time posing like serious outdoors folks. Plus they’re coasters.

Sure they’ll tell you how cool San Fran is and how everyone rides fixed gears on the hilly streets of the Tender-Knob neighborhood because it’s so “pure” or how Seattle has the best local garage band scene (oh wait that was in the 90s, now it’s Brooklyn), and Portland…well it is a cool little city. Right on the river, an hour from the ocean and mountains, but overrun with underpaid interns, and plenty of out-of-work “consultants” in skinny jeans.

But Denver is WAY cooler however. I could tell you how great the city is with lots of sunshine, great local culture of art and music, and only 12 inches of precip. a year and real snow! But I won’t encourage you to move there. I’ll tell you to visit and go have a good time, spend some time in the mountains. Go day hiking, target shoot your rifle illegally in the state forest and then be back in town for a local brew. But I won’t encourage just anyone to move there because I’m selfishly trying to keep folks from crowding it out. It’s bad enough that trustifarian hipsters posing as “consultants” crowd the shitty neighborhoods at night. But as a friend, you’ll be welcome at my future cabin any time.

I miss my hometown a lot, I miss my family and old friends, the mountains and the rootedness of the place. Even it’s strip mall suburbs have a strange allure because they’ve changed so much since I moved away. I miss DC too. It’s proximity to hills (even though they call ’em mountains) the proximity to the Chesapeake bay, NYC and Philly; the museums, the mass transit, cycling paths, the Amish, and my friends. I spent near 8 years there so I saw it go from sucky, no-night-life place to a hoppin’ life-snob filled, uber-hip young professional city. Sure there’s no tent-city for weddings but you have DJ nights at the Hirshhorn.

Make the most of whatever city you live in, that’s my philosophy. Sometimes trying it on for size lets you know if it fits.

If I have my way, I’ll split my time between Denver and NOLA. Best of both worlds if it works out. Cabin in the mountains, shotgun in the city.

15 01 2010

haha i was waiting for you to weigh in on this one. for the record, i don’t consider you a life-snob despite your affinity for camping and denver.

15 01 2010

Hahaha. Oh I know you don’t! BTW, speaking of life-snobishness, I’m still trying to convince the fiancee (still getting used to saying that) about doing an “adventure” honeymoon. Like a week-long backpack trip or trekking in Machu Picchu. But somehow she’s set on sitting on the beach for a week.

15 01 2010

honeymoon wherever you want, just please spare us all the BYOTP wedding.

15 01 2010

agreed. I hate hippies and their hippie anal butter.

15 01 2010

aw, come on now! its one thing to hate hippies in their current faux incarnation. but genuine authentic hippies who walked the walk back in the 60’s and 70’s 80’s and beyond are responsible for much of what makes our lives fun and meaningful now. I have no problem with people who sprung from the loins of this generation and choose to live similarly.

19 01 2010

bah! i don’t believe these hippies are any different than the first batch. most hippies were just making the scene, to use the parlance of the times. the real battles of that era were won in courtrooms or voting booths, and the evening news bringing Vietnam into people’s living rooms, and marches of regular people led by MLKjr.
what makes our lives fun and meaningful now is that we live in a superpower, hence even a shitty job pays pretty well compared to most jobs in the world e.g. $5 an hour vs $5 a day or less, so we have some extra time and options to find “meaning”, a bourgeois luxury bought for us by the industry of capitalists and a military with global reach to back it up. Hippies, however fun they are, did not make that.

17 01 2010

I was watching the History channel yesterday about super markets and how they arrange their stock etc. and a big part was about Whole Foods or is it Fresh Foods, I forget. It was started by a Hippie in the 60’s with a small organic market which only Hippies would be caught dead in there. God forbid you should go into a Hippie organic market. They showed a picture of him, big hair, hippie shirt, the whole bit and a picture of him today, CEO of this huge chain of great markets, hair cut, looking very CEO — Now we all go there.

18 01 2010
Jayneyomama's friend

the pendulum swings, aint that right, Vjane?

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