I think the old adage may be true that women dress for other women and that men pretty much dress for themselves. Of course, if you’re about to go on a first date or to a party where you know your hot co-worker is going to be, you factor the opposite sex into your wardrobe choices. Maybe these black heels instead of those bejeweled flats, maybe this curve-hugging dress instead of those trendy “jeggings.” But for the most part, I think there has been a major communication lapse between women and men as to what each gender hates to see the other gender wear.
Now, I always feel like I have to qualify this– obviously, gender is a very flexible category. Gay men may like different kinds of clothes on other men than straight women do, androgynous-looking women may be specifically out to attract other androgynous-looking men or women. But for the sake of this blog post, I’m only referring the kinds of clothes straight men like to see on women, and vice versa, because that’s my frame of reference.
So, based on my limited research and observations, men really don’t understand the following ladies’ fashion trends:
These low-crotch pants seem to be an up-and-coming trend, and it still may not have reached many parts of the country. So before you get hooked into wearing them, keep in mind that they make us look like we are either wearing diapers or prosthetic penises. Why men have a problem with that, I’ll never understand.
Cowl Neck Sweaters
Is that a cowl neck sweater, or is your torso giving birth to your head? I’m guilty of wearing these, even though men generally hate them. Also, what’s with the geometric print shirt under a 3-quarter sleeved sweater? This woman probably has a number of problems hiding under the labial folds of her sweater neck.
The Empire Waist
The best thing about empire-waist dresses is that they will still fit when you’re nine months pregnant! Methinks this is why men hate them.
Guys generally hate tube tops because, let’s be honest, most women cannot actually pull them off. You have to have 0% upper-body fat, or your armpit will ever-so-slightly buckle over the side of the shirt, as even this young, in-shape woman’s armpit is doing. Tube tops also create a “uni-boob” effect, where your chest looks like one big horizontal boob. Not that women will ever stop wearing them for this reason.
Honestly, I don’t really understand why men hate capri pants, and I don’t think they do either. If you ask one, he’ll say something like, “I dunno, they look stupid.” If I had to venture a guess, I’d say it’s because capri pants visually shorten your legs.
Too Much Makeup
You know what I’m talking about– the blood-red prostitute lips, eyelashes that look like spider-legs, thick black eye-liner completely surrounding the eye, electric blue lids, foundation a half-centimeter thick on your cheeks. You look like a clown– this is one thing most women and men can agree on.
Sneakers with Jeans (unless they’re Chucks)
They make us look sloppy. Same goes for flip-flops, apparently.
NOW onto the men’s fashion trends that women hate, because not enough attention is paid to this topic:
Gross. Women can pull these off because our legs are more shapely– your legs look like a series of stuffed sausage links. Please peel them off, if that’s even possible at this point, and get some big boy pants.
Hey, are you Frank Sinatra? No? Then take off that ridiculous hat. Fedoras don’t say “I’m cool.” They say, “I didn’t have any friends in high school, so now I’m desperate for attention.”
Yes, we hate these, even if you’re very muscular. Also, did you have to tuck it in? Tucked in t-shirts are not cool.
Whale pants are unacceptable, as are duck-patterned pants, plaid pants, elephant pants, and basically anything but normal, solid-colored pants.
No. Hell no. Absolutely not.
Tank Tops (unless you’re doing hard physical labor)
These make you look gay. If you don’t mind looking gay, be my guest– wear a tank top to a bar. But don’t ask to buy me a drink, or I will reply by suggesting that we get matching pedicures the following morning.
No, you are not Bone Thugz ‘N Harmony. Take it off. Trust me– Jesus doesn’t mind.
I could go on and on about men’s fashion don’ts: hair gel, cowboy boots in the city, short-sleeved button-down shirts, bolo ties, any kind of jewelry. But I think you get the picture.
I’m not advocating that anyone base his or her personal style on the preferences of the opposite sex. I’m just sayin’– isn’t it funny how men never ask women what we actually like to see them wear, and vice versa?