90 Types of Bitches

5 03 2010

Geof directed me to this blog post, which has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.  Since my records show that most of you will actually not click on that link, I’m going to repost the meat of his blog for your entertainment.

Apparently, blogger Jeff Simmermon’s friend’s cousin is a third grade teacher at a charter school in D.C..  As she was cleaning her classroom one day, she found this document on the floor, “recognized it for the gem it was” and immediately scanned/uploaded it.

I present to you a list of the 90 Types of Bitches in the world, straight from the mind of a D.C. third grader:

Man, this is impressive.  I was trying to see how many types of bitches I could come up with on my own, and I only got to like 38.  This kid came up with a whopping 90!  Guess (s)he’s no “uncreative bitch.”  Unfortunately, this document was missing a page when the teacher found it, so we are all left to guess what kinds of bitches populate the 44-58 slots. I’m guessing “fugly bitch” was somewhere in there.

So what kind of bitch are you? Better hope you’re not number 16– yikes!  I think I’m a combination of bitches 15,26, 37, and 88.  No wonder I don’t have any friends.

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9 responses

5 03 2010
bros

ooh. I wish we had 44-58.

I’m combo of 77, 66, 17, 18 (if that is to be read ‘instigating bitches’ which I think it is).

5 03 2010
geof

they found part of the missing page.

44) big eyed looking bitches who work on my last nerve
45) about to get cut bitches
46) about to be robbed bitches
47) bitches who cry when they robbed/cut
48) bitches who snitch
49) bitches that bleed on me
50) bitches that won’t wash off
52) bitches that stare like you done something

5 03 2010
jpac

I hope I’m not a #7!

5 03 2010
John Pyne

You’re not a bitch Laura.

But I’m a mix of 72 and 12.

5 03 2010
rockymtnhigh

53 through 58 was found stuck to the bottom of the janitor’s shoe.

53) bitch-hatin’ bitches
54) lyin’ ass bitches that pretends they ain’t lyin’ ass bitches
55) big ass bitches
56) fake louie veeton bag bitches
57) braggin’ bitches
58) bitches that don’t know when to stop they bitchin’

5 03 2010
Vjane

I am 5
37- who cares ??
42 – wishful thinking
24 – just had a major hair cut
And I just love 52 – my grandmother did this. We called it getting the big eyes.

6 03 2010
Jayneyomama's friend

I don’t see my (they think I don’t hear them) moniker: “Prissy Bitch”

8 03 2010
womanofNL

i used to be a suntanning bitches, but then i got too concerned about skin cancer. and sometimes i am a pajamas outside bitches, but don’t tell stacy and clinton!

28 11 2010
Dylan

91.) This is the bright future of America bitches

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