The Breast Milk Supremacy

16 03 2010

I would normally hesitate to write a post about breast milk, for the sake of all my male readers, but it made national headlines not once, but twice over the past couple weeks.

First, I stumbled upon this article about a Kentucky woman who was charged with assault after deliberately squirting her breast milk into the face of a female cop at the jail where she was being held for public intoxication. The officer then had to decontaminate herself from the “bio-hazard,” and the woman was charged with a felony on top of her misdemeanor.

What I find particularly interesting about that article is that it tries to treat the subject of breast milk assault as a serious cultural problem:

“Reports of the case have sparked debates about whether using breast milk as a weapon should constitute a felony assault case, with many readers likening it to an accused person spitting on an officer.

Also sparking feedback has been the use of the term “bio-hazard” to describe breast milk.”

The article does raise an interesting point about the felony classification, although I’m not sure anyone could argue that spraying your breast milk in someone’s face is equivalent to spitting on them. People spit on people all the time, but this is the first time in my life that I’ve ever heard of breast milk being used as a weapon. You disrespect me?!  I squeeze my boob at youNo, not a normal response.

As to the second point, I think it’s a bit of a stretch to call breast milk a bio-hazard, considering the fact that it exists for the purpose of nurturing new-born infants.  The female officer demanded to be “decontaminated” after being attacked with what is essentially baby-food… isn’t that a bit of an overreaction?  I mean, unless she’s severely lactose intolerant, she probably could have just taken a hot shower.  I mean, sure, it would be pretty alarming at first if some random drunk woman in prison sprayed her breast milk on me.  But I would probably be more concerned about the fact that she had been drinking while pregnant in the first place.  Maybe that’s just me.

In other alarming news, Chef Daniel Angerer of Klee Brasserie in New York City has been serving his customers a ricotta-like cheese made from his wife’s breast milk.  The NY Post article reads:

This Chelsea restaurant has gone from brasserie to brassiere.

Chef Daniel Angerer is letting diners at Klee Brasserie munch on cheese made from his wife’s breast milk.

“It tastes like cow’s-milk cheese, kind of sweet,” he told The Post.

The flavor depends on what the cheese is served with — Angerer recommends a Riesling — and “what the mother eats,” said Angerer, who once bested Bobby Flay on TV’s “Iron Chef.”

Breast milk doesn’t curdle well due to its low protein content, so a little moo juice has to be added to round out the texture, Angerer said.

After blogging about his efforts with the human cheese, customers started demanding a sample, he said.

“The phone was ringing off the hook,” the chef said. “So I prepared a little canapé of breast-milk cheese with figs and Hungarian pepper.”

The response has been generally positive from those who’ve tried the cheese, although many customers are too squeamish to attempt it.

“I think a lot of the criticism has to do with the combination of sex and cheese, but . . . the breast is there to make food,” said Lori Mason, the chef’s wife.

Since the restaurant began offering customers a taste, Mason has been inundated with creepy queries, she said.

“Some people who clearly have issues have . . . e-mailed me saying, ‘I wasn’t breast-fed as a child, so can I taste your breast milk?’ ” she said.

Mason politely declines the offer.

“I’m not here to walk people through their psychological problems,” she said.

That said, Mason is now prodding her husband to make gelato.

Haha– “I think a lot of the criticism has to do with the combination of sex and cheese,” the chef’s wife said.  Um, no, I think people are fine with combining sex and cheese.  The problem is that the cheese was produced in a human body.  We don’t fry up human legs, we don’t roast human rumps, and we don’t make cheese out of human breast milk.  Period.

Honestly, I’m not sure there are any circumstances under which I would pay money to eat breast-milk cheese, even though Reisling is my favorite wine.

As to the issue of random people emailing this woman to ask if they can taste her breast milk, maybe she should direct them all to that drunk pregnant woman in Kansas.  I’m sure she would be more than willing to squirt it in their faces upon request.

Ok, this post just got weird.  I’m out.

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14 responses

16 03 2010
geof

Wait, cops shouldn’t be upset when “baby food” is sprayed against their will on their faces from a boob, but when served this same item in a restaurant, its comparable to eating human flesh? I’m confused. I feel like a pro-publicbreastfeeding opinion is getting mixed up with an anti-cannibalism stance.

HIV, and prob some other things, can be present in breast milk, hence the biohazard treatment.

16 03 2010
districtramblings

I certainly didn’t say cops shouldn’t be upset when breast milk is sprayed at them– they absolutely should! I’m just saying, it’s going a little overboard to say that they then need to be “decontaminated.”

Also, for the record, I am not pro-publicbreastfeeding, and I don’t want it on my face OR in my cheese.

16 03 2010
bros

Geof’s right though that breastmilk can carry HIV, so if she had open sores on her face or hands or whatever, she could theoretically be infected, although the risk is absurdly small, it is something these jail workers should take seriously for their own health. I do not think this is the type of thing, however, that should be escalated to the realm of a felony. it is so f#cking absurd that we will now try to keep this drunken lactating mom in jail, costing the tax payers, for longer! let her go! she did it cause she was drunk! we have the most retarded criminal justice system. why are we going to waste state resources and tax money to call her a felon and behind bars. so stupid. so so so stupid. if this were anywhere else in the logical world, this would not happen. along with placenta, I would try this cheese.

16 03 2010
geof

Rambler: Are you anti-publicbreastfeeding or just neutral on the subject?

16 03 2010
Edward Dandyhands

I love it when posts get weird. Was there butter on the menu?

16 03 2010
Alex

Eating cheese made from human milk is definitely not weirder than eating cheese made from a cow, obviously. Plus, no bovine growth hormone which is legal in the US but illegal in Canada and all of Europe. The human milk is probably more “organic” than anything you can find in the supermarket.

As for getting HIV from getting squirted in the face by breast milk, that is absurd. She would basically have to have fresh road rash on her face and then rub in the milk which would have to be loaded with the virus. HIV is extremely hard to contract short of injecting it directly into your body. She is probably more likely to get pubic lice from this prisoner through her clothes than HIV. The cop was just pissed off by the disrespect, which makes the reaction very unprofessional.

16 03 2010
CB

Uh…Louisiana Girl, you can suck the head of a boiled crawfish that at one time crawled around in the mud, but eating cheese made from nature’s most nourishing food source is out of the question? It goes to show you how our cultures define what we find offensive. (For the record, I wouldn’t eat breast-milk cheese either.)

16 03 2010
Vjane

what I want to say is this. what were the circumstances of this encounter ?? how close was the jailers face to the prisoner ??? it is amazing that the prisoner could reach under her orange jail suit, pull out her boob – squish it and hit her target square on. she is some good shot.

16 03 2010
Tigerbait

My experience tells me this prisoner’s breasts were very engorged after not having “used them” in awhile…not only are they huge…but terribly painful…and the only relief is to express the milk (preferably by suckling). Though it is hard to tell from her jail pic, I am doubtful that she could get her nipple to her lips…so the next best solution is to squeeze out the milk. Could it be the jailer just happened to “get in the way’ of her relief efforts????

16 03 2010
Vjane

CB – I find sucking the heads of crawfish disgusting, and not because the crawfish crawed around in the mud. It is just a disgusting action. I would not eat breast milk cheese either. Just because – it doesnt seem normal. However, I love bacon and pork – eating pigs that wallow around in the muck and eat the slop that is thrown to them over the fence is worth it. That’s normal.

16 03 2010
rockymtnhigh

Two things to be addressed here:
First any bodily fluid thrown at a guard by an inmate is considered a bio-hazard. The run down…spit, vomit, urine, feces, semen, feminine hygiene products, and now breast milk. So in this instance…the person throwing any bodily fluid at a cop while in the drunk tank would be assault.

As for the use of human breast milk in making cheese…why not? I say we take it a step further and start farming body parts. We can grow all the parts in petri dishes and then make them into all sorts of tasty things. Just think how tasty that milk-fed veal parmesan would taste! Check out the 1989 movie Parents with Randy Quaid for a “madmen” take on how to serve those tasty leftovers-to-be into tasty leftover.

Soylent Green is PEOPLE!

19 03 2010
Hannah

HA! “I squeeze my boob at you” amazing! I could be like Rambo!

5 10 2010
13 02 2011

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