I would normally hesitate to write a post about breast milk, for the sake of all my male readers, but it made national headlines not once, but twice over the past couple weeks.
First, I stumbled upon this article about a Kentucky woman who was charged with assault after deliberately squirting her breast milk into the face of a female cop at the jail where she was being held for public intoxication. The officer then had to decontaminate herself from the “bio-hazard,” and the woman was charged with a felony on top of her misdemeanor.
What I find particularly interesting about that article is that it tries to treat the subject of breast milk assault as a serious cultural problem:
“Reports of the case have sparked debates about whether using breast milk as a weapon should constitute a felony assault case, with many readers likening it to an accused person spitting on an officer.
Also sparking feedback has been the use of the term “bio-hazard” to describe breast milk.”
The article does raise an interesting point about the felony classification, although I’m not sure anyone could argue that spraying your breast milk in someone’s face is equivalent to spitting on them. People spit on people all the time, but this is the first time in my life that I’ve ever heard of breast milk being used as a weapon. You disrespect me?! I squeeze my boob at you! …No, not a normal response.
As to the second point, I think it’s a bit of a stretch to call breast milk a bio-hazard, considering the fact that it exists for the purpose of nurturing new-born infants. The female officer demanded to be “decontaminated” after being attacked with what is essentially baby-food… isn’t that a bit of an overreaction? I mean, unless she’s severely lactose intolerant, she probably could have just taken a hot shower. I mean, sure, it would be pretty alarming at first if some random drunk woman in prison sprayed her breast milk on me. But I would probably be more concerned about the fact that she had been drinking while pregnant in the first place. Maybe that’s just me.
In other alarming news, Chef Daniel Angerer of Klee Brasserie in New York City has been serving his customers a ricotta-like cheese made from his wife’s breast milk. The NY Post article reads:
This Chelsea restaurant has gone from brasserie to brassiere.
Chef Daniel Angerer is letting diners at Klee Brasserie munch on cheese made from his wife’s breast milk.
“It tastes like cow’s-milk cheese, kind of sweet,” he told The Post.
The flavor depends on what the cheese is served with — Angerer recommends a Riesling — and “what the mother eats,” said Angerer, who once bested Bobby Flay on TV’s “Iron Chef.”
Breast milk doesn’t curdle well due to its low protein content, so a little moo juice has to be added to round out the texture, Angerer said.
After blogging about his efforts with the human cheese, customers started demanding a sample, he said.
“The phone was ringing off the hook,” the chef said. “So I prepared a little canapé of breast-milk cheese with figs and Hungarian pepper.”
The response has been generally positive from those who’ve tried the cheese, although many customers are too squeamish to attempt it.
“I think a lot of the criticism has to do with the combination of sex and cheese, but . . . the breast is there to make food,” said Lori Mason, the chef’s wife.
Since the restaurant began offering customers a taste, Mason has been inundated with creepy queries, she said.
“Some people who clearly have issues have . . . e-mailed me saying, ‘I wasn’t breast-fed as a child, so can I taste your breast milk?’ ” she said.
Mason politely declines the offer.
“I’m not here to walk people through their psychological problems,” she said.
That said, Mason is now prodding her husband to make gelato.
Haha– “I think a lot of the criticism has to do with the combination of sex and cheese,” the chef’s wife said. Um, no, I think people are fine with combining sex and cheese. The problem is that the cheese was produced in a human body. We don’t fry up human legs, we don’t roast human rumps, and we don’t make cheese out of human breast milk. Period.
Honestly, I’m not sure there are any circumstances under which I would pay money to eat breast-milk cheese, even though Reisling is my favorite wine.
As to the issue of random people emailing this woman to ask if they can taste her breast milk, maybe she should direct them all to that drunk pregnant woman in Kansas. I’m sure she would be more than willing to squirt it in their faces upon request.
Ok, this post just got weird. I’m out.