Bristol Palin is ‘Tripp’in.

25 05 2010

Um, is it just me, or would you NOT pay $30,000 to have Bristol Palin preach to your kids about abstinence?  It’s kinda like paying Pam Anderson to speak to high-school kids about body image, or paying Michael Douglas’ son to preach about not selling Meth.  Is any teenager going to feel sufficiently warned by Bristol Palin, whose pregnancy got her a ridiculously nice apartment with a TV studio in it, a cute baby she can pay other people to take care of, a People magazine photoshoot and 30 grand per speech?

Thank God you came to speak at my school, Bristol! I’m never going to have sex again! God forbid any of us end up like you, you poor soul!

No.  If you want your teenagers to not have sex, call the woman living with her baby at a homeless shelter, the one that got disowned by her family and kicked out of her house.  Call the single mother on food stamps whose delinquent ex-husband refuses to pay child support, or the man who has to pay half his salary in child support for the next 18 years.  Don’t call Sarah Palin’s rich, pretty daughter who is livin’ it up in Wasilla, toting around a toddler that is probably sponsored by Huggies and Baby Gap.

Did you read the caption on the picture above?  It says: “Bristol and Tripp share a bedroom, where his onesies can be found on the carpet beside her Ed Hardy sneakers.”

…WHAT? Is everybody out of their damn minds?  First of all, no, People magazine. You have been hoodwinked.  If Bristol and Tripp are “sharing a bedroom” in the Palin mansion, then slap some lipstick on me and call me a pig.

Secondly, why are we talking about the brand of her sneakers?  Is that supposed to be some kind of iconic image?  Tripp’s onesie next to Bristol’s Ed Hardy sneaks?  How profound.  If you look closely enough, you can see a single tear rolling down my face.

I wonder if Sarah trained her spawn in the art of delivering an effective speech.  Lots of random animal metaphors, lots of winks.  If you can’t stop them from having sex, you can at least confuse the shit out of them, right Bristol?  Right? Heh heh.

Ugh.  This country has failed to impress me again.

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5 responses

25 05 2010
Timur

I think you are channeling Lewis Black today and I have to admit, I like it.

25 05 2010
bros

I particularly like her compare and contrast of babysitting vs. being a mom. she’s a regular Satre.

25 05 2010
Pita

Two…well, three things:

1. I thought she said abstinence was “not realistic.” I guess I’m a little behind.
2. What her son will think in 6-12 years when he realizes he was the catalyst for his mother’s abstinence campaign? If she’s smart (don’t answer that) she’ll start a fund for his therapy now.
3. You’re a rock star Laura. You’re blog continuously and consistently makes my day.

25 05 2010
districtramblings

Yea, I don’t know if she’s speaking about abstinence in particular, or just about teen pregnancy and safe sex. Either way, my opinion stands.

And thanks for the compliment!

25 05 2010
geof

I wish they were Ed Wood’s shoes instead.

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